purely conjectural

Saturday, April 7, 2007



I'm feeling pretty wonewy, not really sure why. Nick went to his cousin's house tonight to socialize, but it's not like he and I would be with each other anyway; my father is snoring in his recliner, mom's scrapbooking in the kitchen, jonathan's at his girlfriend's, and danielle is probably prancing about somewhere. But I feel lonely a lot lately.

Surely it stems from Nick being gone for so long, but I think it's also some sort of intropersonal loneliness at work here too--I don't know that I'd feel very good with anyone around. I have done a lot of personal growing this year, and while I am grateful for the opportunity, I've sort of shifted into a state of limbo. I feel like I'm caught between lives--I mean, I'm getting an easter basket tomorrow, and married in July. Strange.

It's probably because I'm PMSing. I lose :P

But say, I went geocaching in the cold today, and bought some scrapstuff and made sloppy but earnest pages; while I do feel sort of like a 37 year old housewife, it's terribly fun. I've also been reading this interesting book about the cultural impact of popular culture on women in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, and while it makes some predictable assumptions, the woman is wry and witty and funny as hell.

Is it strange that I, sort of a fallen child of God, am a bit unsettled that Nick is going to get drunk tonight?

I think I'll go back to my book. This entry has been haphapzard but has accurately represented my state of mind; I can't concentrate, my thoughts are disjointed and melancholy, and even my happy little hobbies are being observed through a haze of sulkiness and sinus headache.

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