purely conjectural
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Summer PlansThis summer, this baby is getting revamped.
Plans:
1. Continue documenting my crafting odyssey as I finish Style School. And, if someone sweet gives me 60 bucks, I might also take Summer School. (I know I totally dropped off the radar, but hi! hello! comps! Graduating from graduate school!)
2. Posting the occasional outfit post. I am under no illusions about how interesting my outfits are, but there are some challenges through wardrobe remix that might be fun to document.
3. Reviewing the books I plan to read this summer. I want to get through AT LEAST the 2009 or 10 (whichever is the latest announced, at this point) Hugo, Locus, Nebula, and World Fantasy nominated books.
4. Talking about the joint etsy venture my mom and I are embarking on this summer. We started shrieking with excitement a lot this afternoon when planning it, but I think maybe we'll do vintage things. And clothes. And crochet some stuff. Maybe sew some stuff. Also steampunk jewelry. So, in essence, all of it.
5. Documentation of Fun Free(ish) Summer of 2010. Mama has a 25 hour a week job, sooooooo.
6. Promotion of the Center for the Study of Science Fiction, for which I am the coordinator. whee aboutsf.com whee
7. Talk about my novels/stories/writing goals/hangups/other thing to create balance in this sentence. I am always plugging away at short stories but also have my family saga to write (whoa) and an SF novel to produce!
Or maybe I'll update again in early 2011. Who knows!
Anyway, I have a 10-12er to write before I finish grade school. Later.
Labels: awesome moms, goals, life choices
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Hi againOk, regular posting again. And this time, I extra mean it.
I'm in the midst of my last year getting my master's degree (al! freaking! ready!) and lately it's been weighing on my mind. It's not as if I'll have difficulty finding a job that pays more than I make for the year I'm taking off while Nick finishes his degree--frankly, working full time at Burger King, I noticed, makes more than I do as a GTA--but, that after that year, I don't have the direction that I ordinarily have had. I'm stuck, ya'll. As I see it, I have three options:
1. Get my PhD in literature. Honestly, this one is last on the list right now. I at first disowned the idea after my first year of grad school ended in some seminars I really struggled with, but since then, I've felt distanced from academia and all of the ridiculous hoops I'd have to jump through to get a job. My friends, who are largely in their PhD programs, are all panicking about what they need to do to get hired--at least, I think they are, since they're buried up to their necks in Henry James so they can "have a wider teaching load." I understand the economy is not being very polite to its citizenry at this point, but frankly, I think the tenure system is sort of an outmoded thing and I'd rather not have to bust people's heads and ignore my husband and hypothetical children to keep a job.
2. Get my PhD in Library Science (or MLIS, if I can't get into schools because of my English MA). This one feels the most likely, and my experience in libraries has really made me feel at home here. Plus, my insatiable desire for books has been quelled a bit since I've started working in them; after all, those are my libraries now, aren't they? There are lots of job opportunities that fascinate me that I feel I'm more than qualified for, but unfortunately opportunity 3 has made me rethink this choice, and that is...
3. ...to give day jobs the bird and really dedicate myself to my writing. Obviously one can both have a day job and a writing career, particularly when one is starting out, but this doesn't help me practically make decisions at this point. There is a thriving SF community here in Lawrence, and I've made a ton of friends, and my writing output has shot up exponentially since I've joined such a supportive group, both in terms of sheer word output and in terms of quality. Hell, a week ago, I just spent all night talking to China Mieville, one of my favorite writers, all night long at a bar! With jokes! And hugs! And email addresses! I could be a part of this! But what a gamble it is. I've not been out of school for a very, very long time, and aligning myself with the SF community--which I've received numerous invitations to do--is, for the most part, not scholarly. Potentially I could get my PhD with an emphasis in SF, like my friend Chris and Nate have, but James Gunn, the professor/grandmaster of SF that works here, is only 2396512056 years old, so I don't know if there'll even be an opportunity to do it, should I want to.
Oh, well. Anyone who reads this blog will likely have heard me talk about it before, but I just wanted to get it out there.
Dream Theater's Black Clouds and Silver Linings, which I had put away since its release in June, is back on my playlist with a vengeance--my God this thing is so much better than I first thought. Also, Redemption's new album has made me relisten to The Origins of Ruin more closely, and I'm so head over heels from them. I saw them live, but they opened for DT, and I essentially wanted them to play their silly setlist so I could see Petrucci's arms in real life. I have an aural crush on them now, and not just because Ray Alder sort of looks like a young Admiral Adama :)
Oh, here are a couple blurry pictures of Mr. Clean--er, China Mieville--himself, for the 0000 people who are curious. I didn't get any pictures of us hanging out because I wanted to act totally cool around him, sadly. So here he is doing a reading from his new book The City & the City.
Labels: life choices
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Ah, the start of a new blog. I tried a resurgence of self-examination over at Myspace, but no use; while I thought that I'd enjoy writing for the people I hate (the only reason I keep a myspace, you know), it turns out it's pretty stifling. Not as stifling as writing for people you do know, though, because those mothers expect you to write all the time, and prettily, about events which they've observed.
So, for now, it's you and me, kid. And anyone else who stumbles upon this. This place doesn't seem overly concerned with sociability though, so for awhile it'll be me speaking to the echoes of myself.
The power supply in my PC blew, and I just had to spend 27 begrudging dollars on a new one. Since the birthday has rolled around, I have had delightfully more than I thought I would, but still, St. Joseph's collection of terrible vintage clothes is calling me and I'm quite cross that at least 27 useless items of clothing are now unattainable. Sonuvabitch.
I should be writing a one-page book review for women's history, due approximately a day and a half ago, but I think the thesis writing has made me unable to keep thinking, thinking, thinking all the time. I went to Something Brewing with Linda, hoping the scenery would change productivity, but mainly I just chatted with Justin about his life. Piss and vinegar. It seems like everywhere I go, no matter what I surround myself with, I feel this terrible malaise; at home I feel uncomfortable, like a guest, and here I feel unproductive and generally moody and prone to eating too many Cadbury Eggs.
I am getting married, blog, on July 21st. And then heading to graduate school, most likely choosing Utah or Kansas but desperately wanting to go to the University of Chicago, where I was completely out-of-the-blue accepted and where my fiancee was not. He has no problem talking about Utah and Kansas, which will keep me out of my dream school, gaily; why, then, do I feel so guilty talking about Chicago when it will keep him out of his? He talks about being happy, and established; at least he had the chance to establish himself without me inserting my interests into the equation.
I am not resentful that he is keeping me from going to Chicago, at all. I think that this malaise, in fact, stems from him not being here. But you'd think that he would show a little sorrow, or some sympathy at least, about me not going there. He says that he would automatically choose wherever I went, because he'd only be happy with me, but I don't see me making any demands on where he can go to school, so of course he has the luxury of the decision being made up for him.
I know I would be poor in Chicago but, quite frankly, it would be worth it. It's someplace I could reinvent myself. I'd probably feel the same way about my friends that I have felt in the countless other places I've lived--a little bit on the fringe--but all the music that would be there, and all the cool books, and the atmosphere, and oh God most of all the opportunity.
I feel like Nick, maybe a little unfairly, prioritizes his needs first. He tells me all the time that he wants to teach at a teaching university, no wait, a research university, no wait, a teaching university, but I've yet to hear him ask me what I want.
I'm not asking for him to completely sacrifice his future for me. He is only on the waiting list at NIU, and it's a highly competitive school, and I get the feeling that he genuinely believes he won't get in. That's fine if he doesn't. Then we will take the best we can get and run with it. But it seems that he can't muster any sort of optimism for my sake, and all I've heard about is him talk about what he, he, he will do. Is it because I'm a woman? Because he went to grad school a year earlier than me? Or does he not see my future in the same light as his. He says he's liberal, but when it boils down to me having children, for instance, does he just want me to stay at home, being intelligent and having fun, but taking a back seat to his career?
God, I hadn't expected all this to come out. I didn't even know that I was feeling so shafted. But I am itching to be an adult, and start a new life, and move out of the dorms and out of my parents' and go to someplace where I am in charge of the dishwasher, goddamnit, and I already feel like my choices are being considered secondary.
Speaking of things that I can purportedly control, I ate lasagna and french fries at lunch today, and cereal for dinner. So much for low freaking carb. Generally I don't let myself eat a meal if I weigh more than I want to--yeah, I know it's unhealthy, shut it--and then when I weigh a little less I go crazy. It's so frustrating. Can't I just control myself and eat a salad, or some hamburger? What is it about bread that's so ridiculously delicious looking?
I could pour lots more out, but I suppose I should just get to work.
Labels: complaints, grad school, life choices
About This Blog
Name::stochastic
From::Lawrence, Kansas, United States
In Petrucci I trust.
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About Me
Name::stochastic
From::Lawrence, Kansas, United States
In Petrucci I trust.
View my complete profile
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